Seventh Entry (October 30th, 2021)

     On Saturday, I unfortunately did not complete the deep breathing exercise, as I completely forgot about it. On the weekends, I have noticed that I have struggled with keeping up with this daily routine of relaxation, and it is often because I am exhausted and do not wish to do anything but lay down, or I am working a weekend shift as a Resident Assistant for that day. On Saturday, I was working a night shift, and it was a bit hectic as my duty partner and I had to take over a late night shift at the desk, which we both were not prepared for. I feel that whenever I need these deep breathing exercises the most, like when working a stressful duty shift, I never do them because they completely leave my mind or I simply do not prioritize them. I often feel that if I relax, something bad would happen because I need to "do more productive things with my time", although self-care is productive. As a Black woman, I have not been socialized into believing that relaxation is productive, and I have also always witnessed my mother and grandmothers always up doing something around the house, taking care of someone, cooking, or working, and there was not a lot of times where they just sat down and relaxed for a minute. I have a limited experience with self-care and relaxation, and working through that is difficult because I still am struggling with the idea of self-care not being productive or a good use of my time.

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