Finding Solace in the Stillness: HONS 25O Final Project

      Today was the final day of this project, which I was very excited for. I had a pretty calm and relaxing day because I made sure to prioritize resting after such a busy and physically taxing weekend I had, and when I finally engaged in the deep breathing exercise, I was able to lay down and focus on all of my growth since the start of this project, which made me really happy and helped me relax in my final moments of the project. My goals of this project was to decrease the amount of stress I experienced in my life, increase my willingness to engage in self-care, and figure out what self-care means to me in a world where I am expected to serve others due to my position in society as a Black woman, and while reaching these goals, I also learned about how self-care can and should look different for me each day depending on how I am feeling (such as wanting to spend time with my loved ones instead of being alone and engaging in deep breathing), I addressed misconception...

      Today was another very busy day for me as I had a service event to attend and help out with early in the morning with Pre-Health Hub and the second and final day of the retreat I had for my job, which lasted basically for the rest of my day. I did enjoy attending these events and had a pretty nice time socializing with my friends and coworkers, but I also was extremely exhausted. When I had left the retreat in the night, I had went to boyfriend's dorm to spend time with him, and actually ended up completing the deep breathing exercise while I was there laying down. I was able to easily breathe and focus on myself and how I was feeling while also letting any negative thoughts pass by during the exercise, and I felt my pain easing while breathing, which was nice because I was an immense amount of pain as I have fibromyalgia and I experience flare-ups when I am doing something throughout the entire day. After the exercise, I was far more relaxed and had a bit more ener...

      Today was one of the busiest days I had throughout the semester, as I had a housing tour to give during preview day, a retreat to attend for my second job at the Inclusive Excellence, Education, and Development Hub, and a meeting to facilitate for Pre-Health Hub. Despite the busy day I had, I was able to keep calm throughout it, and was even able to lessen my anxiety about giving the housing tour as I had completed some deep breathing before it started. I have really struggled with public speaking in the past, and although I am much more willing and able to do it now, I also have been extremely anxious before doing public speaking which causes me to experience physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, nausea, and shaking, but since I was able to properly calm myself down with deep breathing, I did not experience any of these physical symptoms and was able to deliver all I had to say in a manner in which everyone could understand. Later in the ...

      My day today was better than the two days prior because I was able to work through the shock I experienced after my great aunt's death, and although I was still grieving, I was able to get out a lot throughout the day, be present in class, and talk to my boyfriend, friends, and family about how I was feeling, which really helped me relieve some of my sadness. When I engaged in the deep breathing exercise, the breathing was once again easier to complete because I used the breathing technique from the workshop I attended previously, and was able to sit with my thoughts and not let them take over my mind or mood by focusing on my chest rising and falling, and I was more relaxed with each breath I took. After the exercise I was much more relaxed and it felt nice to do something for myself after a busy day, which is much different from earlier in the project when the deep breathing felt more like a task to complete and check off to-do list rather than something I do for ...

      This day was just alright for me, as I had a lot of ups and downs throughout the day as I was experiencing periods of sadness due to the loss of my great aunt (which also reminded me of the loss of our family dog over the summer) and also a few periods of loneliness because I was particularly sad in the middle of the night as I was not out and about and able to socialize very much. I actually had engaged in deep breathing throughout the day because there were times where I was sad and close to breaking down despite working on coursework, which was also a newer experience for me throughout this project (and represents change in my ability to engage in self-care and manage my stress) because I often would wait to practice the deep breathing I do for 5 minutes, and I realized I could be doing deep breathing all day, which is far more helpful than doing it once per day. I also made sure to take it slow this day as well, which is also something newer for me because I usu...

    The day that I had was actually a pretty good day, I felt happy and was proud that stress and anxiety was not controlling my life for the time being, but around 6 PM in the night, I had received some devastating news. My mom had called me to let me know that my great aunt had passed away earlier in the day, and after that I was in a state of shock and sadness for the rest of the night. Right after that phone call, I found myself struggling again with the superwoman schema in relation to Black women and girls not prioritizing their well-being, as I had a community meeting with my residents at 7 and still was preparing to facilitate it, but I eventually had broke down and the people in our staff had comforted me and offered to facilitate the meeting instead. Although I was not wanting to miss the meeting, I had let two of my staff members facilitate the meeting, and focused on taking care of myself, supporting my family, and allowing myself to grieve for the rest of the nigh...

      The day I had did not really stress me out, which is nice because it was very busy and had exhausted me. Despite all that I had to do and all that I did in the day, I was once again not really stressed out, which shows that the gradual changes in my ability to manage my stress and have a more positive mood is starting to become more common each day. When I had engaged in the deep breathing exercise, I did not struggle with having a million thoughts ruminating in my mind, I was able to immediately just focus on my breathing through paying attention to my chest rising and falling, and felt myself become calmer as the minutes went by. After the deep breathing exercise, I knew that I had to complete some assignments before I went to sleep, but this did not stress me out, as I felt more energized, and this helped me finish the assignments quickly and thoroughly. 

      I had another good day this day, which really made me think about if my increasingly more positive and happier mood was because I was engaging in deep breathing on a daily basis. I have started to notice the change in my overall wellbeing and ability to take care of myself, which I am extremely proud of because this is the reason why I began this project. Although engaging in deep breathing has not brought upon immediate change, it has started these gradual changes within my mind and body that am I thankful for, and this is honestly something that I never thought I would achieve. I had completed the deep breathing exercise while on duty, so I was a bit nervous before completing the deep breathing exercise. As I was breathing in and out, I felt myself slowly letting the anxious thoughts in my mind pass and was able to focus on just my breathing in that moment by putting a focus on my chest rising and falling. After the deep breathing exercise I felt much more relaxed...

      On November 6th, I had a pretty good day and was not really experiencing much stress, but surprisingly I had not done the deep breathing exercise this day because I had genuinely forgot. I have realized that I often forget to engage in self-care practices on many days, and this reminds me of my overall struggle with self-care. In the past before I started counseling, I had no idea what self-care meant to me or how to engage in it, so I often would overload my schedule and burn myself out because I did not believe that self-care was productive, but after counseling, I began to work on this belief. This project of deep breathing has also helped me realize that self-care is more than just being alone and doing something by yourself, it can also be hanging out with other people or going to counseling, so although I did not engage in the deep breathing this day, I had engaged in self-care because I spent time with my loved ones, which really elevated my mood and helped m...

      I once again had a pretty good day, I did not experience a high amount of stress, and was able to do all that I had planned for the day, which is always a nice feeling. Similar to other days where I had a pretty good day, I was able to complete the deep breathing exercise and found it easier to focus on the present while engaging in the exercise, which made it easier for me to relax. I also was on duty for my RA position as I engaged in the exercise, and I found that doing deep breathing helps me better prepare myself for any potential situations that may happen while I am on call, which decreases the overall amount of anxiety I have surrounding being on duty.

               Before I engaged in the deep breathing exercise, I was having a pretty good day, so when I engaged in the deep breathing exercise, it was easy to focus on letting my thoughts pass through in my mind. There have been many times where I sort of focus on all of my thoughts cycling in my mind instead of focusing on the present, which makes it more difficult to reduce my stress, so I always appreciate when I can do my deep breathing without letting all of my thoughts affect me. After the deep breathing exercise I felt more relaxed and more capable to deal with stressors that I deal with on a regular basis, which was nice to feel because I do not feel that way very often.

      Today I had engaged in the deep breathing exercising after resting and before finishing up some more coursework. I had felt pretty calm today after spending some time with my boyfriend and attending my counseling session, so I did not have a lot of anxious thoughts in my mind and was able to de-stress pretty early on in the day. I had once again put my personal well-being first and took a nap because I was pretty tired, which helped me have some more energy for the work I had to finish for the day. After I woke up, I had did the deep breathing exercise while still laying in the bed, which was very peaceful. After the exercise I felt ready to tackle all of the work I had to finish for the night, which felt pretty good considering I have been stressed about assignments all week.

      On Tuesday, I did not complete the deep breathing exercise. This upset me because I had completely forgot about it once again, but I also was not feeling well after staying up late for so many nights, so I had took a nap, worked on a small amount of homework, and laid down in my bed earlier than I normally do. Although I was upset I did not complete the exercise, I now realize that I had still prioritized my well-being by resting since I did not feel well, which I do not do very often. I try to work through my exhaustion or pain until I get burnt out, but I believe that engaging in deep breathing every day has helped me realized the many ways that I can relax or take care of myself, like resting and putting things down when I am not feeling the best. As I have discussed in prior entries, engaging in these deep breathing exercises are constantly making me alter my beliefs on what self-care looks like, why it's important, and how I should do it, which has been a diffi...

      On Monday, I was once again able to complete the deep breathing exercise while busy. After finishing up a large part of my sociology assignment, instead of immediately going back to finishing up my coursework, I realized that I was stressed, and needed to take a break, even if it was short. While I took this break, I had completed the deep breathing exercise while in my residence hall's office. Before I did the deep breathing for five minutes, I was extremely stressed out and anxious about all of the coursework I had to do, and my mind kept spiraling out of control, to the point where I felt like a failure for not completing my coursework the day before (even though Sunday was an extremely busy day). I have very high expectations for myself and feel that I cannot move on to the next chapter in my life without being exceptional at everything I do, and I believe a lot of that stems from witnessing Black women getting discriminated against in schools and in the workfor...

      Despite being exhausted from a long night on duty the night prior and having a lot of coursework to complete for the week, I had still engaged in the deep breathing exercise, which I am very proud of! I am starting to work on my misconceptions and beliefs about self-care, which is helping me approach this deep breathing exercise in a different way. I know that it is more difficult for me to engage in the deep breathing exercise when I am busy or stressed, so I try to do these deep breathing exercises before I do something that is anxiety-inducing or stressful for me. I do not always need to be in my room, in the dark laying down to complete the breathing exercise, and although this is more comfortable for me, I also know that taking a minute to breathe in the midst of so many things happening helps me calm down and focus on the present and what I need to get done. In a sense, the deep breathing exercise helps me be productive alongside of helping me relax, and I am ...

      On Saturday, I unfortunately did not complete the deep breathing exercise, as I completely forgot about it. On the weekends, I have noticed that I have struggled with keeping up with this daily routine of relaxation, and it is often because I am exhausted and do not wish to do anything but lay down, or I am working a weekend shift as a Resident Assistant for that day. On Saturday, I was working a night shift, and it was a bit hectic as my duty partner and I had to take over a late night shift at the desk, which we both were not prepared for. I feel that whenever I need these deep breathing exercises the most, like when working a stressful duty shift, I never do them because they completely leave my mind or I simply do not prioritize them. I often feel that if I relax, something bad would happen because I need to "do more productive things with my time", although self-care is productive. As a Black woman, I have not been socialized into believing that relaxation is p...